You win some, you lose some.

I tend to overuse the phrase, "you win some, you lose some". But it applies to all things.  Life is a balance. For every bad situation there's always a bright side.  If you know where to look.

My little boy refuses to sleep by himself now.  I created a monster by creating the habit and expectation that I would continue sleeping in his room.  Slight difference now, however, because I never slept the whole night with him previously.  I would fall asleep while getting him to fall asleep, and some short time after, I'd wake up and go to my room.  Then, it started.... he'd wake up and come to my room.  It wasn't every night, just once in a while.  So I'd let him climb in bed with me and sleep.  But then it increased in frequency. I eventually tried to start taking him back to his room.  He'd fight me, and I (being too tired to argue and stand my ground...) allowed him to continue sleeping in my bed with me.  But I wasn't getting any sleep!! So one night I tried to force him to stay in his bed. That obviously didn't work. He cried until he threw up. By then I was just plain exhausted. Now he sleeps in my room. On the floor. I don't know what to do to sleep train him back to his room, back to his bed, on his own!

On the other hand, he seems to be getting this potty thing down pretty well.  He'll even go on his own, unprompted, to the potty and take care of business.  It just kind of happened. I had been letting him run around bottomless and he'd go to the potty...I tried to get him to read potty books and even tried rewarding him with an m&m when he'd tell me he had to go.  It didn't make a difference.  If he was naked on the bottom he'd go no problem, but if he had on underwear he'd forget.  Then, one day a couple weeks ago...while wearing his diapers mind you, he decided he would go potty. Since then, he's almost always asked to go or just gone on his own. He's still in a diaper or pull up when he's sleeping, but for the most part, we've switched to undies.  I am hesitant to take him out without a pull up still.  I'm scared of the accident we all know is coming.... we'll see how we do when we go on vacation.  I really hope I don't set him back too much over the holidays away.  Still... I'm totally happy that he's getting it down. No more diapers!! 

Little man is a strong willed little person. Which is a great trait for him to have in the future...not so great now. I've learned to adjust though.  Let him choose, and try to remember to reward good behavior. We're working on politeness but he's not even 3 yet, so I'll give him some wiggle room. They all need some wiggle room. With that however, I'm hoping...that the need to sleep with me will be a passing phase. That he'll get tired of sleeping on the floor and one day...DECIDE he'd rather sleep in his bed.  Hopefully that's sooner than later. At least, he's fine with being on the floor in my room and not in my tiny twin bed with me and I can get some sleep too. That's the bright side.  There's always a bright side.

Am I sabotaging good habits?

I cuddle my child to sleep. I keep telling myself, it'll just be for now...he'll eventually grow out of it and not want me anymore.  But sometimes, like last night for instance - when he got out of his bed 3 times, I wonder if I'm just creating a bad habit.  Like, now he needs me to be there when he falls asleep, or he can't fall asleep? He can sleep in his own bed, sure.  But am I sabotaging good habits by letting him in my bed in the middle of the night?

Potty Adventures, wins and fails.

Little man is still in diapers.  I'm overwhelmed with the idea of potty training him because of how many people we have to coordinate in his life to be dutifully consistent with his training.

The adventures began a few months ago, and have been on and off since then.  There's days when I'm all about trying to get him to go on the toilet. Then, there's days where I just don't want to think about it.  Truth is, changing his diaper is routine. I can handle routine. Change is where I get all twisted up.  Don't get me wrong. I'd LOVE to not have to buy diapers anymore. I'd LOVE if I didn't have to worry about bringing enough fresh diapers everywhere I go.  I'd LOVE to not have to worry about those times I'm fighting with him to sit still so I can wipe his poopy butt... trust me.

However...slowly but surely, we are progressing.  There are times I know he will at least TRY to go potty on the toilet.  After waking up, before bathtime...basically anytime a routine starts. But his life is far from routine - having to go between me, my mom, the sitter, and his dad... there's a normal routine but it's not normal every day.  I've been thankful that he's not been so rigid in his need for routine so far.  Though, it's getting harder and harder because he really does need a routine and when it gets thrown off, I can tell.  He's always crabbier and more prone to having separation anxiety.  I have major mom guilt about that...

He's a doll about saying "I have to potty" when he feels like it. He's actually quite good about it...when he's naked.  Most of the time he even makes it to the toilet himself.  We've had a few accidents on the way.  But that's it.  Put big boy undies on him and that goes out the window. No more "I have to potty"... more "uh oh I peeps".  Put him in a pull up and it's basically like a diaper where he doesn't say a word about being wet.  He doesn't seem to mind one iota that his diaper is full.  The only difference with a pull up is he'll go running around pointing at his crotch and exclaiming "look lightning mcqueen on my diaper!"

So we are moving along, but how do I know when he's ready to be pushed over the line?  How do I coordinate everyone's efforts to get him to use the toilet when everyone has their own personal agendas?

Every once in a while, there's a major win.  Once, he yelled "I have to potty!", ran to the bathroom, and waited until I came to take his diaper off and help him up on the toilet.  The other day he told the sitter "I want go poopoo on the potty" and he did!!!  Ah, proud moments.  I shall cling to those moments every time he has an accident because he is learning... but sometimes..."i peeps on your bed mommy" is not what I want to hear...

How long is this suppose to last??

Conversations with a 2 year old

I realize that conversing with a toddler can be a bit difficult at times.  Their speech is awkward, not always pronouncing things quite right yet, missing some parts of speech and such.  It's so interesting though as their vocabulary expands and their sentences become more structured.  Little man doesn't talk a lot, like my nieces do, but he can certainly talk if he feels like it.  The mother of another 2 year old just a few months younger than my little man exclaimed her surprise and jealousy at how well he speaks already.  Her son has been saying basic one word sentences and not much else. I was like, aw it's alright...its just the different timeline for that development.  I mean...what else do you say to another mom who is worried about their child's development rate?

I guess I do kind of take for granted that I am able to converse somewhat with little man... It's a good thing these days when I've been so stressed out I haven't been so in tune to what is happening with other people.  I'm glad he's smarter than your average bear and can tell me "I want eat" when he's hungry or "I want juice/chocolate milk" when he's thirsty. (we're working on please and thank you)  Now, if only he'd say "I gotta go potty" more than that one time he said it and ran to the bathroom unprompted.

These are a couple of the most recent conversations:

Me: (after picking him up from his dad's) So what'd you do today?
LLM: I go daddys.
Me: Yeah?
LLM: Uh huh..go park and play.  I run really fast.  Really really fast.  And I fall down. I got booboo.  See?
Me: Oh I see, you went to the park and ran around really fast.  That must have been fun.  But you got a boo boo??
LLM: I got 2 boo boos
Me: Aw you have 2 boo boos? I only see one, where's the other one?
LLM: I got boo boo here my knee.  'Nother boo boo here (points to foot)
Me: Oh I see the boo boo on your knee.  What happened to your foot? Is there another boo boo?
LLM: Yeah, it hurts. ::pokes it:: owwie.
Me: Well don't poke it!
LLM: I poke it, it hurts.

Then last night when I picked him up from the sitters.  She gave me the run down of his being naughty yesterday.  Apparently he bit and hit one of the other kids (Connor) and swiped toys away from the other boy (Giovanni). So he had a couple time outs. Which is rare if you know this kid.

LLM: I do myself! (trying to get in the car into his carseat...he's been really independent about that lately)  Here mommy hold dis (he pulled the straps open so he can sit in between) I buckle...click!
Me: Click! Good job buckling in. I'll get the rest.
LLM: I need my sungasses pease
Me: Ok, lets finish strapping you in with your buckle and I'll get your sunglasses. So what'd you do today?
LLM; I went Miss Jill's
Me: Yeah, what did you do at Ms Jill's?
LLM: I play Connor
Me: So you played with Connor? What about Giovanni?
LLM: I play Jobanni too
Me: That's good, what else happened?
LLM: (gets really quiet and whispers) I got time out.
Me: Yeah, I heard you got a time out, what happened?
LLM: (still whispering) I push Connor
Me: I heard that you hit Connor. You know that's not how we play right?
LLM: (still whispering) uh huh...
Me: Ok, well I expect you to play nicely with both Connor and Giovanni from now on ok? Or Ms Jill will give you more time outs, got it?
LLM: yeah. (finds his left over cereal box in his seat) mommy pease i eat cereal?

It really amazes me how he can interact in this way...but with all this comes the attitude as well.

"Leave me alone!" (yes, already. this has already started happening)
"Don't touch dat!"
"Das mine!"

Usually the tantrums begin with "I wan do myself!" (I want to do it myself!) and if it's not something he's able to do he gets so extremely frustrated.  Unfortunately, I can't help him understand that he's not big enough to do it yet (either he's too young or he's just not physically developed enough yet). He's like a 4 year old trapped in a 2 year old's body sometimes...

Techie kids amaze me

I'm pretty sure I wrote about this before, but as I'm reading an article about the best math apps for pre-schoolers...I have some more thoughts on it now that little man will be 3 in a few months. (ugh. did I just say that? almost 3?!)

In this day and age, we can't get away from technology and electronics.  We use it every day, we're surrounded by it; heck, for some of us it's part of our bodies. I remember a few years ago there was this uproar about how we "should" be raising our kids - how they need to put the iPad down and go play outside like the old days.  Well. News Flash! These aren't those times anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I totally limit iPad time. Plus I know for a fact when he's at the sitters during the work week, he's playing and learning the old fashioned way (mostly).  I told her he only should get a short time with the Leap Pad.  Plus, she doesn't like it because he only watches Team Umi Zoomi and doesn't actually play any of the learning games.  I agree.  Thankful for her and her family EVERY DAY.  Little man is in a good place.

That said, I actually am a big advocate of iPad learning.  I sit and interact with him if I can while he's using it.  I point out things and call them out, I ask him to tell me where things are, and he tells me what they are too.  He gets excited when something fun happens on the screen. He gets frustrated when something doesn't work the way he expects it to.  Downtime is movie time.  He loves short films. Actually, he watches far too many movies/tv shows in my opinion.  But I do give him a lot of downtime and that's what he wants to do. Thankfully, they're all age appropriate.

The other day I watched him expertly navigate through pages of apps until he found the one he wanted.  Toca Train.

I watched him as he started the train, stopped the train to pick up a person, select their seat, start the train, pull the train whistle, speed the train up, change the screen view, slow the train down, stop the train to pick up cargo, sort through the cargo, select which cargo he wanted (it was a pumpkin), put the cargo on the train, start the train again, pull the train whistle, change the screen view, stop the train, dropped off someone, picked someone else up, selected their seat, start the train, pull the whistle...and do it all over again. I sat there in silent amazement as I watched him.  It seemed extraordinarily simple to me, the tasks he was doing with the train.  But I slowly realized he was doing a more complex order of tasks.  Something that is simple, but something that isn't necessarily innate and must be learned.  He was processing this quietly, planning out a course of action.

It's not just this one game I realized.  He's been doing that with several other games.  I noticed he's less frustrated now because he understands the different concepts with the different games and can apply them. He amazes me every day.

This is just one observation I've made with the iPad use.  And maybe it's just because he knows how to use the game now, but I marvel at the complexity of our brains and how we learn. I marvel at the beauty of what God and nature have given us.  I marvel at our very being.

Seriously though, I'm totally going to be my mom when he gets older and I do not know how to operate some new fancy technology asking him for help ALL THE TIME.  Man, I hope not.

A little mommy victory

Being a working mom, I know I have a ton of mommy guilt.  Am I doing right by my baby? Do I know what I'm doing?? Am I doing it right?! Sometimes it really stresses me out.  And when little man is freaking out, upset, in pain, etc...I start to lose it.  If he's crying- I mean really crying- I feel like crying too. I want to make it better. I don't want to see him hurting.  But I try not to cry and lose it in front of him because that won't make it any better either.

This whole week his sitter is on vacation so he's with grandma.  We also have guests staying with us from the Philippines so my mom has a lot on her plate.  I can understand what happened yesterday because I know my mom loves to play hostess. So I know she would be out most of the day and will be the rest of the week as well.  I didn't think she would kind of "forget" to take care of the little man the way he needs to be. i.e. meals - naptime - hydrated. Especially since he had diarrhea all day.  Which I had no clue until the end of the day, after we'd been out all evening at Mady's birthday party.

Child had a massive diaper rash, no nap, didn't eat well... and here he was at chuck e cheese just playing away, happy as a clam. And here I was totally unawares of the rest of the issues because he was happy and playing. I mean, how am I suppose to know if no one tells me, right? (and yet the little shame gremlin in my head is going - 'you're the mom...you're suppose to know things like that.."  F.YOU gremlin) I didn't know how bad it was until I went to bring him to the bathroom after dinner.  He would not let me touch him despite the fact I HAD to in order to clean him up. So...fighting my own tears because he's really crying and in pain, thinking how awful of a mother I am to let this happen, I cleaned him up and decided it was time to leave. He was fine after that - tired, cranky, but enjoying himself - we cashed in his tickets and the lady behind the prize counter was so sweet, she gave him 2 of each of the toys he wanted.. THANK YOU chuck e cheese lady - the car ride home was, at least for the first half, enjoyable as he flew his airplanes around his head.

I drew up a lukewarm bath for him and he went willingly - at first. Then his poor raw bum hit the water and he started crying. In the back of my head somewhere I knew it would help so I still made him sit in the bath for a few minutes even though he was crying.  He stopped crying when I offered a pedialyte pop and the iPad.  Then a thick layer of desitin -> laying naked in a towel watching team umi zoomi + electrolyte popsicle -> one final layer of desitin before the diaper went on -> snuggle time -> bed. I didn't know what else to do.  But this morning when I checked...no more raging diaper rash!!! And he ate breakfast and was playing happily in the background when I checked in.  A tiny victory, but a victory none the less. I win.

a potty and a big boy bed...

He's outgrown the mini crib! Ack!!

Sunday afternoon I officially took down the crib.  For the past couple weeks he was already sleeping on the mattress on the floor but, next to his crib. That was going well and really he couldn't fit in the crib anymore...so my mom had an old twin bed laying around that is now officially his big boy bed!

look at him...so happy!

I kept the crib pieces for the eventual headboard and foot board but because the bed is not on a frame (the mattress and box springs are on the floor...), I cant attach it for the bed.  Plus I leaned it long ways up against the wall. I'll figure out how to fix it eventually, but he still needs a bed to sleep in!

Also, so begins the potty adventures.  I've been hesitant - I have no idea what I'm doing!!! But he's starting to not like wearing diapers so its getting to be a game trying to get him in a diaper. And he's starting to tell me when he has to go, so here we are!

I'm sure there's a better, sure fire, way to get him potty trained.  But for a couple days it seriously felt like I was trying to potty train a puppy.  I mean- LITERALLY- if he forgot to tell me and started peeing, I picked him up like a puppy and ran to the bathroom. Probably not the best way, so next method - naked bottoms and potty breaks every hour.

I've been talking to a few friends and it seems like everyone's giving treats for potty activities. Which again, to me feels like I'm training a puppy hahaha but it seems to work for them so that may be implemented for him too.  It's a little weird because to be consistent we'll have to coordinate with me, his dad, my mom and my fam, the sitter and her family, and all the other various people who get thrown in to watch him during the day.  (well..that kind of explains how he learned to be so social doesn't it...)

Crossing my fingers and jumping right in!

on the training potty watching tv...is that bad i let him watch tv during potty breaks? ack. i donno!

God, he looks like such a big boy now. Where's my baby??

The downfalls of being a working mommy

I have to wonder if I'm about to be visited by my dear aunt flo... mostly because I can't stop myself from crying as I sit in front of my computer today.  It hit me that C spends more time at the sitters than anywhere else and what little time he does spend at "home" I have to share him with his dad. While he sees his sitter every day, he sees me 4/7 nights a week plus half the weekends. And I'm struggling with that right now. The dreaded mommy guilt.  Especially when he hates when I make him leave her house, which is really his 3rd home...that he spends the most time in. Ugh.

For a while, I seem to have deluded myself into thinking this is normal. (wow, that seems to be a recurring theme in my life) Working to support my little family and because I like working (insert gasp here).  I still think I could never be a stay at home mom. As much as I would love to spend more time with my little guy, I need to be working.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with him.  He's 2 now...with a strong personality.  I want to see him play and watch him learn.  Instead our routine is...routine. Get up - go to the sitters (here's a quick breakfast on the way) - work - pick up from the sitters (here lets distract you with my phone so you're not wiggling your way out of my arms as i try to put you in your car seat) - cooking dinner - struggle to get him to eat said dinner - bath time - movie/reading time - bedtime. Rinse and repeat. Where in there does it say play time? With the weather getting nicer (slowly but surely) hes now struggling with me to want to play outside. Getting upset because he wants to play on the driveway but since I can't see him from the kitchen I can't let him play there - and he wont play in the backyard, mostly because it's still covered in snow...but also its gross back there and he's ironically the cleanest 2 year old boy I know.

I imagine he plays w his dad all the time. I don't know how they do it, because he works just as much as I do...and it makes me sad.   And mad. And frustrated. Mostly at myself, because I should be prioritizing C and his playtime and taking that time to really enjoy his childhood and his desire to learn.  I think about the mom's who have multiple kids and are somehow pulling it off.

I'm no supermom. But I want to be.

2nd Birthday

For his 2nd birthday we had a Thomas the Tank Engine themed birthday.  It was amazing and fun.

This makes me happy...

Go School?

Sick Baby - Confused

iPad then Mickey Mouse, YES!

Go!

Blurry - go to video: Playing in the snow

itsy bitsy spider

Just...Cuteness

Silliness w Addison

And finally...This happened: (3.15.14)

Time to think about a new bed for C....

Now that I've gone through the instaclay camera roll, I feel a lot better... So grateful for this little ball of joy. Love him more than the sun.