Being a working mom, I know I have a ton of mommy guilt. Am I doing right by my baby? Do I know what I'm doing?? Am I doing it right?! Sometimes it really stresses me out. And when little man is freaking out, upset, in pain, etc...I start to lose it. If he's crying- I mean really crying- I feel like crying too. I want to make it better. I don't want to see him hurting. But I try not to cry and lose it in front of him because that won't make it any better either.
This whole week his sitter is on vacation so he's with grandma. We also have guests staying with us from the Philippines so my mom has a lot on her plate. I can understand what happened yesterday because I know my mom loves to play hostess. So I know she would be out most of the day and will be the rest of the week as well. I didn't think she would kind of "forget" to take care of the little man the way he needs to be. i.e. meals - naptime - hydrated. Especially since he had diarrhea all day. Which I had no clue until the end of the day, after we'd been out all evening at Mady's birthday party.
Child had a massive diaper rash, no nap, didn't eat well... and here he was at chuck e cheese just playing away, happy as a clam. And here I was totally unawares of the rest of the issues because he was happy and playing. I mean, how am I suppose to know if no one tells me, right? (and yet the little shame gremlin in my head is going - 'you're the mom...you're suppose to know things like that.." F.YOU gremlin) I didn't know how bad it was until I went to bring him to the bathroom after dinner. He would not let me touch him despite the fact I HAD to in order to clean him up. So...fighting my own tears because he's really crying and in pain, thinking how awful of a mother I am to let this happen, I cleaned him up and decided it was time to leave. He was fine after that - tired, cranky, but enjoying himself - we cashed in his tickets and the lady behind the prize counter was so sweet, she gave him 2 of each of the toys he wanted.. THANK YOU chuck e cheese lady - the car ride home was, at least for the first half, enjoyable as he flew his airplanes around his head.
I drew up a lukewarm bath for him and he went willingly - at first. Then his poor raw bum hit the water and he started crying. In the back of my head somewhere I knew it would help so I still made him sit in the bath for a few minutes even though he was crying. He stopped crying when I offered a pedialyte pop and the iPad. Then a thick layer of desitin -> laying naked in a towel watching team umi zoomi + electrolyte popsicle -> one final layer of desitin before the diaper went on -> snuggle time -> bed. I didn't know what else to do. But this morning when I checked...no more raging diaper rash!!! And he ate breakfast and was playing happily in the background when I checked in. A tiny victory, but a victory none the less. I win.
