PaleOH....

OH.  What I've learned the past 2 weeks.  One.  It's really not that hard to give up soda.  Two. It's actually really hard to give up coffee...and by that I specifically mean creamer.  No dairy right? But I don't drink coffee black.  I've cheated, put a splash in my vanilla blonde roast from good ol' Starbucks, and it wasn't bad so the next time I got a vanilla blonde I went straight and sweetened with agave nectar.  Not quite the same, but not bad either.  I'll do that now on days I really want coffee.

I had another cheat day...well...weekend. (bad mommy, bad!) My body reacted the same way as last time. Only worse.  I felt like throwing back up all the cookies I ate.  I'm sorry body, I can't promise I won't do it again..but I'll try not to do it so bad next time!   Anyway, I had the opportunity to grab some Insomnia Cookies.  And since you can only get those at a few select college campuses, uh how could I pass that up?! I've heard the rumors, and I needed to try them out.  Minus the upset stomach that evening from eating like 6 cookies...(which by the way I wouldn't have thought would hurt me, how wrong I was!)... it was worth it.  I got them straight out of the oven because I walked in at like 1:30...just 30 mins after they opened! I brought a dozen home and shared with my family.  It's funny how each of us had a different favorite.  My sister - the plain sugar cookie...my mom - macadamia nut...and me? well...the double chocolate chunk...obviously. But having had that one straight out of the oven...it was gooey and melty and chocolatey. It was like chocolate lava cake in cookie form.  So glad there isn't one close by here, I'd be in trouble.

This week has gone a lot better.

Garlic and herb mussles and petite scallops

Sea Scallops with tomato pepper salsa on spinach

I forgot to take a picture of my lemon chicken that I paired with a baked sweet potato and green beans.  It was delicious though.

I also made my own paleo mayo last night, but I haven't used it in anything yet.  Today's lunch will be a crab salad made with my mayo...hopefully its good.

Lots of seafood lately. I guess when I eat healthy I crave less red meat. Who knew? But I did just find a recipe for chili that looks tasty. I've got some ground bison that needs cooking.  This sounds just right for it.

This diet is actually really helping me out mentally as well. I've been emotionally stressed to say the least, but creativity is my outlet. That's where I am happiest.  I love cooking, I love being in my kitchen with my son showing him what I love to do.  I can't wait til summer comes and we can go outside and paint.  Grandma won't like it if I let him make a mess inside so we'll wait for the warm weather.

Enough about me...this blog is about the Little Sir!

I can't believe how much he's grown.  Sometimes I forget that this isn't a year of 1sts for him.  His first New Year's was in the hospital, 2 days after he was born. With Easter coming around the corner, I have to realize this is his 2nd Easter!  So I looked up his first Easter pics:

Easter 2012

Its hard to believe that is already this:

Snack time before nap time

Easter will be fun this year since he'll be able to 'hunt' for eggs now.  And by "hunt" I mean chase his cousins around while they look for eggs. Haha.

LM knows how to eat with a fork now.  It's a messy process but he's getting it.  I love watching him concentrate on picking up food with the fork.  He's also learned how to use a spoon, though that's much harder to keep the food from flinging everywhere.

eating and sharing his avocado smoothie

Oh, and when I showed Grandma the LeapPad option she went ahead and got it for him.  Hey! Buy me an iPad too please!  I can use it more then he knows how to use the LeapPad anyway!! :-P  joking, joking...or am I?? Hehe...

But he does like using it.  I've recently ordered a couple games for it. I doubt he'll know how to play them yet but its there...

playing with his leappad

He likes sitting in the big chairs.  Luckily, when he was just a wee little baby last spring, during garage sale weekend my mom and I picked up a little big person chair... complete with foot rest.  He can't figure out the foot rest but at least he's safe about getting in and out of his 'big' chair.  Then there's moments like this:

reading his color book in his little big chair

and I manage to capture it on my phone while he's not looking. Makes me squeal with a pride I'm sure only a mother can feel.

Techie Baby

These days, its all about tech toys. I'm not that old but I remember the first cell phone, and I certainly remember the introduction of the very first iPhone ever! It wasn't until my first year away at college that I got my first cell phone, but these days grade school kids have their own cell phones, many of them getting lucky and having smart phones!  My initial thoughts on the subject were certainly showing my age.  Even though that age isn't even yet 30.

When it comes to the rapidly evolving technology that is slowly taking over our lives, I'm like that 80 yo grandparent retelling the same story over and over again..."when I was your age we had to walk a mile to school!" "kids these days have it easy...I had to go to the library to do research for book reports!" "when I was your age, we didn't have these newfangled iPhone thingamajiggers with all those apps to play with...we just had a phone that called people, I couldn't text anyone back in those days we had to leave voice messages.  Before that we even had pagers to let you know someone called because voicemail wasn't even invented yet!"

Seriously.  Like a year ago, I was in the boat that firmly believed little kids shouldn't have such toys when there are so many other toys to play with.  I've officially changed my mind on the matter.  It seems like the only toys LLM is interested in playing with is the tech toys. Mommy's iPhone is a favorite. Might as well make it so he's learning something from it.  I've been slowly adding games and learning apps for him to play with to a Little Man folder.  I even learned how to turn on 'guided access' which allows me to lock apps when they're open and prevent little man from accidentally going into another app and messing around in there when I'm not looking.

I don't have an iPad, the one that we had has some how turned into his dads iPad even though I'd been the one to make that purchase.  I'll just count that as a loss.  Anyway, I've been wanting one for myself and just waiting til I could afford it but now it seems I'd rather get one for LLM so he can play on it when I need to distract him for a minute without handing over my phone so I can still work when he's occupied.  But then again, I really can't justify spending that much money on a TOY just for him... I'm sorry baby but...no. just. no.

So, my next option is this:

Hello LeapPad2! I think this is much more affordable for a techie toy.  It says ages 3-9.  But I've seen LLM use the Leapster at MJ's  house like a boss...

I mean literally, he's pushing the buttons like he knows what he's doing and watching the screen as it talks to him and changes pictures.  The little sir just lays there on his back or belly pushing the buttons with his thumb like a gamer...and he's not even quite 14 months.  I don't have experience in these things but I'm amazed, and MJ says that's unique that he's already learned how to use his thumbs to push the buttons while hes holding the unit.  So, rather than waste my time and money on toys he's NOT going to play with, I might as well get him something he will, and use it to help him learn from it.

My Dear Niece Jocy (DNJ) has her own iPad.  I thought my cousin was crazy for getting her her own but the other day for instance she was telling her baby sister, my DN Mady (18mo), that she was ridiculous.  She's 4.  I don't know any other 4 year olds that use "ridiculous" and "totally" on their own volition.  Of course, I don't particularly know that many 4 year olds either...  But when asked what ridiculous meant, her response was frighteningly accurate..."it means way more than crazy"... Impressive. Even her delivery of this definition... emphasizing the 'wayyy'.  I found out that her iPad is loaded with reading apps and other freeeeeee learning games.  So...LittleSir...you might hit the jackpot if mommy can work it into her budget to get you an iPad.

Then maybe you'd stop stealing my laptop when I'm trying to work....

The Paleo Experiment

Ok so I'm really...really bad at blogging.  I would never be able to actually post something every day so I'm not even going to attempt to say that I will for this experiment.  I'll update when I can and or feel like it.  You'll survive.

So, the newest fad diet is this Paleolithic diet aka 'the caveman diet'.  It's the only one so far that actually makes sense to me.  *gasp* this fatty believes in a diet fad??  YES. Strangely, this time I do.  While I don't agree with the super hardcore followers, the main idea behind the diet I completely understand.  Our bodies weren't designed to be ingesting processed foods.  Now, I love processed foods...I'm obsessed with them. I ordered 5 boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year just for myself... trust me. I'm not crazy...I just really love my thin mints and samoas. I even had an old post on my old blog just describing my girl scout cookie addiction.  Just because we're not designed to do something doesn't mean we can't do it.

But I randomly decided this year that part of the #newyearnewme goal was to really try to be healthier.  I know that I can't throw it all in one pot and say I'm going to eat healthier and work out and never drink soda again!! Because....that never works.  Not for me at least. How many times have I attempted to give up soda for lent and FAILED miserably?  Or had a new year resolution to work out only to fall off the wagon before I really got on it?  Too many to count.  So being aware of that fact I'm slowly adding different short term goals to reach that ultimate goal of being healthier.

That being said, I realized lent was a good motivator/reason for me to take another step.  So, in a random moment of "I gotta eat better/lose weight" I decided to go cavewoman for lent.  Not all the way, and I specifically built in cheat meals on days I already know will be difficult to adhere to such a diet.

The new me...HAHA ok not quite.  I knew the best way to stick to this was to have a plan and since I'm the GD QUEEN of planning this was the easy part. I planned out the next 6 weeks of meals. I haven't yet made any of those meals on 'schedule', as I've had different tastes for different things... but the key is it's there if I need inspiration.  

5 Days into lent (minus a cheat meal.. more on that in a second). The funny thing is I gave up meat one year for lent and that was difficult.  This momma is a carnivore through and through.  But you know what, in the end it was great.  And I find that I really don't crave meat like I used to.  I still love eating it though.  That's another reason why I picked the paleo diet. I didn't have to give it up.  But I am giving up foods I love normally - Rice, bread, cereal, cheese, cookies and cake <insert sad face here>... 

We'll see how it goes.  So far so good.

Breakfast is easy. I love eggs, so an egg in the morning cooked various ways totally works for me.  Omelettes, fried, hard boiled...done.  Plus some fruit.  Great breakfast!  I admit however I miss coffee.  I don't drink it black, which is allowed on the paleo diet, so I'd rather not drink it than drink it sans creamer.

Lunch is usually whatever was left over from the night before and or a plain salad.  The salads are hard.  I like heavy, rich, creamy dressings.  Ranch on everything!!!

Dinners are the challenge however.  Living at my parents, there's always rice.  That house is so not paleo friendly.  But, I'm hoarding my groceries for my meals and finding quick easy meals to cook that actually work really well for me.

On Saturday, I was visiting my sister in Iowa, and we were going to visit her boyfriend who is a sushi chef at work.  I knew I had to let that be a cheat meal.  I can't pass up sushi.  And there's only so much sashimi I can handle without gagging. I like rolls.  Plus he was going to make us special rolls! Sorry diet, but no.

Here's a couple of the better meals I've made myself.

Bison Steak, Mashed Cauliflower, Green Beans

I am 'cheating' a little using the flash frozen steamer veggies, but I think that can be forgiven considering there's actually more nutrients that are saved in the flash freezing process.

Lemon Barramundi with Avocado Tomato Salsa and Broccoli

Also "cheating" with flash frozen fish....but seriously its the best kind of 'fresh' you can get right smack dab in the middle of the continent.

At this point, I'm soooooo missing soda. So far I've been flavoring my water with chunks of fruit and it's working out, but that doesn't mean I don't crave a cup of bubbly cola.

Shrimp stir fry (paleo style)

Oh, and yogurt.  I miss yogurt.  What I wouldn't give for a cup of vanilla yogurt with fruit and a drizzle of honey.  That may be one of my cheat breakfast meals (that or french toast).  It's healthy right?? Why can't I eat yogurt?  Because the cave peoples didn't farm dairy products.  Boo...

OOH...butter... I miss butter.  I've been cooking my meals with coconut and olive oil.  Much healthier...but man the taste of butter sometimes just makes a meal better!

*Quick side note: I've been cooking specifically only for myself, and providing food for LM.  The only meal I've cooked for the whole family the last 5 days has been the shrimp stir fry. Which, they didn't leave me any left over for my lunch the next day.  Bastards!! LOL I'm joking. They loved it and I'm glad. Of course...they were also able to eat it with rice.

I've been making these meals for me and LM, adding some other things for LM that I can't eat...rice, potatoes, pasta...etc.  He's getting some pretty healthy dinners!! I'm lucky he likes his fruits and veggies.  He was going to town on the broccoli and tomatoes.

He's starting to learn how to use a fork.  I'm afraid to let him use a fork but he's insisting on it.  I guide it to 'stab' the food and watch him while he brings it to his mouth.  Given the choice of that or a spoon, I would prefer he start with a spoon, but he'd like to use the fork... great...

But yeah, this post is starting to get extremely long... I'll end with this.

The paleo diet is really detoxing actually.  I felt like crap for a couple days but that was my body getting used to it and detoxing.  On Saturday, I forgot to bring healthy snacks to munch on during the drive home that night.  So I had to stop at a gas station for gas station snacks because I was tired and needed to snack to keep me awake.  Anyway, I ended up getting some plain vanilla cookies and a Brisk tea. A normal gas station snack for me.  A couple cookies later and 1/4 way through my tea, I literally started feeling sick to my stomach.  Apparently my body didn't like the influx of sugary snacks.  Interesting.

MOM GUILT ATTACKS

Seriously, I've realized that the worst kind of guilt that a mother can feel is mommy guilt.  And the ones that it hurts the worst from are your own parents.  During the time in my life where I finally feel like I'm on a steady and clear path to doing what needs to be done for the benefit of both myself and my baby, an email and a few key spoken words make it all come crashing down.

It was a frail house of cards I built for myself, a flimsy shelter like a mask that the world sees.  Then the mommy guilt attacks.  A gust of scorching hot wind from the asshole of hell...a hell fart. (Ah, wow.. I'm sitting here manically laughing at my own lame joke.  Get a hold of yourself woman!) Weaknesses are exploited and the paper thin walls crumble and burn.  I'm left to deal with the ashes, and there's doubt.  A heavy weight like a thick glass dome keeping the cooling, cleansing breeze from washing away the dust and igniting the phoenix fire within.  Forcing me to pick through the pieces and examine them...second guessing the structure of the life I was building.  Here is the birthplace of bitterness and resentment but here it must stay.  Leave behind the wild red and orange surface fires, sink into the protective embrace of the calming deep blue flames, and rest and regenerate and rebuild.

There's a whole lot of nonsense in there but within is a lot of meaning.  That's more for my purposes for healing.  Poetry of my life.

UGHHH.

Go nonstop. But remember to pause and take it all in.

These days, the only time he stops moving or talking is when he's sleeping.  And even then he moves a lot... 

But what I love most is watching him when he's awake.  What I love most is seeing with my own eyes the process that goes through his head when he's trying to figure something out.  When he learns something new. The miniature person that he is and the adult version he has the potential to become.  I have to remember every day to cherish these moments.  Bask in the open mouth gap toothed smiles and giggle fits.  Melt with each hug, kiss, and other cuddly moments.  Smile every time he crawls in my lap just to sit with me to read a book.  Dance with him when the music plays.  Listen when he babbles off telling me about his day.  

There are so many firsts I realize I forgot to immortalize in my memory, so blinded by the darkness of depression.  Tracing back, first smile, first tooth...when were they?  Snippets of lucidness return and a wave of frustration rises, but just as quickly, a resolve to never let another moment pass under shadows....

Busier than ever...but it's just the way I like it. 

first haircut. :)