A little mommy victory

Being a working mom, I know I have a ton of mommy guilt.  Am I doing right by my baby? Do I know what I'm doing?? Am I doing it right?! Sometimes it really stresses me out.  And when little man is freaking out, upset, in pain, etc...I start to lose it.  If he's crying- I mean really crying- I feel like crying too. I want to make it better. I don't want to see him hurting.  But I try not to cry and lose it in front of him because that won't make it any better either.

This whole week his sitter is on vacation so he's with grandma.  We also have guests staying with us from the Philippines so my mom has a lot on her plate.  I can understand what happened yesterday because I know my mom loves to play hostess. So I know she would be out most of the day and will be the rest of the week as well.  I didn't think she would kind of "forget" to take care of the little man the way he needs to be. i.e. meals - naptime - hydrated. Especially since he had diarrhea all day.  Which I had no clue until the end of the day, after we'd been out all evening at Mady's birthday party.

Child had a massive diaper rash, no nap, didn't eat well... and here he was at chuck e cheese just playing away, happy as a clam. And here I was totally unawares of the rest of the issues because he was happy and playing. I mean, how am I suppose to know if no one tells me, right? (and yet the little shame gremlin in my head is going - 'you're the mom...you're suppose to know things like that.."  F.YOU gremlin) I didn't know how bad it was until I went to bring him to the bathroom after dinner.  He would not let me touch him despite the fact I HAD to in order to clean him up. So...fighting my own tears because he's really crying and in pain, thinking how awful of a mother I am to let this happen, I cleaned him up and decided it was time to leave. He was fine after that - tired, cranky, but enjoying himself - we cashed in his tickets and the lady behind the prize counter was so sweet, she gave him 2 of each of the toys he wanted.. THANK YOU chuck e cheese lady - the car ride home was, at least for the first half, enjoyable as he flew his airplanes around his head.

I drew up a lukewarm bath for him and he went willingly - at first. Then his poor raw bum hit the water and he started crying. In the back of my head somewhere I knew it would help so I still made him sit in the bath for a few minutes even though he was crying.  He stopped crying when I offered a pedialyte pop and the iPad.  Then a thick layer of desitin -> laying naked in a towel watching team umi zoomi + electrolyte popsicle -> one final layer of desitin before the diaper went on -> snuggle time -> bed. I didn't know what else to do.  But this morning when I checked...no more raging diaper rash!!! And he ate breakfast and was playing happily in the background when I checked in.  A tiny victory, but a victory none the less. I win.

a potty and a big boy bed...

He's outgrown the mini crib! Ack!!

Sunday afternoon I officially took down the crib.  For the past couple weeks he was already sleeping on the mattress on the floor but, next to his crib. That was going well and really he couldn't fit in the crib anymore...so my mom had an old twin bed laying around that is now officially his big boy bed!

look at him...so happy!

I kept the crib pieces for the eventual headboard and foot board but because the bed is not on a frame (the mattress and box springs are on the floor...), I cant attach it for the bed.  Plus I leaned it long ways up against the wall. I'll figure out how to fix it eventually, but he still needs a bed to sleep in!

Also, so begins the potty adventures.  I've been hesitant - I have no idea what I'm doing!!! But he's starting to not like wearing diapers so its getting to be a game trying to get him in a diaper. And he's starting to tell me when he has to go, so here we are!

I'm sure there's a better, sure fire, way to get him potty trained.  But for a couple days it seriously felt like I was trying to potty train a puppy.  I mean- LITERALLY- if he forgot to tell me and started peeing, I picked him up like a puppy and ran to the bathroom. Probably not the best way, so next method - naked bottoms and potty breaks every hour.

I've been talking to a few friends and it seems like everyone's giving treats for potty activities. Which again, to me feels like I'm training a puppy hahaha but it seems to work for them so that may be implemented for him too.  It's a little weird because to be consistent we'll have to coordinate with me, his dad, my mom and my fam, the sitter and her family, and all the other various people who get thrown in to watch him during the day.  (well..that kind of explains how he learned to be so social doesn't it...)

Crossing my fingers and jumping right in!

on the training potty watching tv...is that bad i let him watch tv during potty breaks? ack. i donno!

God, he looks like such a big boy now. Where's my baby??

The downfalls of being a working mommy

I have to wonder if I'm about to be visited by my dear aunt flo... mostly because I can't stop myself from crying as I sit in front of my computer today.  It hit me that C spends more time at the sitters than anywhere else and what little time he does spend at "home" I have to share him with his dad. While he sees his sitter every day, he sees me 4/7 nights a week plus half the weekends. And I'm struggling with that right now. The dreaded mommy guilt.  Especially when he hates when I make him leave her house, which is really his 3rd home...that he spends the most time in. Ugh.

For a while, I seem to have deluded myself into thinking this is normal. (wow, that seems to be a recurring theme in my life) Working to support my little family and because I like working (insert gasp here).  I still think I could never be a stay at home mom. As much as I would love to spend more time with my little guy, I need to be working.  But that doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with him.  He's 2 now...with a strong personality.  I want to see him play and watch him learn.  Instead our routine is...routine. Get up - go to the sitters (here's a quick breakfast on the way) - work - pick up from the sitters (here lets distract you with my phone so you're not wiggling your way out of my arms as i try to put you in your car seat) - cooking dinner - struggle to get him to eat said dinner - bath time - movie/reading time - bedtime. Rinse and repeat. Where in there does it say play time? With the weather getting nicer (slowly but surely) hes now struggling with me to want to play outside. Getting upset because he wants to play on the driveway but since I can't see him from the kitchen I can't let him play there - and he wont play in the backyard, mostly because it's still covered in snow...but also its gross back there and he's ironically the cleanest 2 year old boy I know.

I imagine he plays w his dad all the time. I don't know how they do it, because he works just as much as I do...and it makes me sad.   And mad. And frustrated. Mostly at myself, because I should be prioritizing C and his playtime and taking that time to really enjoy his childhood and his desire to learn.  I think about the mom's who have multiple kids and are somehow pulling it off.

I'm no supermom. But I want to be.

2nd Birthday

For his 2nd birthday we had a Thomas the Tank Engine themed birthday.  It was amazing and fun.

This makes me happy...

Go School?

Sick Baby - Confused

iPad then Mickey Mouse, YES!

Go!

Blurry - go to video: Playing in the snow

itsy bitsy spider

Just...Cuteness

Silliness w Addison

And finally...This happened: (3.15.14)

Time to think about a new bed for C....

Now that I've gone through the instaclay camera roll, I feel a lot better... So grateful for this little ball of joy. Love him more than the sun.

San Francisco 2013

Mommy and Me trip 2013... San Francisco Edition

I've officially decided to try and take a Mommy and Me trip every year. Something small...for an extended weekend kind of thing.  It's great bonding time, though it can test your patience.  Maybe that's a good thing.

This year we went to San Francisco. One of my cousins was getting married and since he and I are very close, I was lucky enough to be invited to share in their special day!

trying to tie his shoes...trying..

Little Man and Mad Mommy left the cold, dreary midwest for sunny, warm(er) California on Thanksgiving Day.  Yep, you read that right!  Perfectly planned however...because a. it was the cheapest option and b. there were so few people flying that day that i literally walked from the car, through security, and to the gate in a record breaking 5 minutes. Ok, more like 10 minutes.  Still, there were no lines, no fuss, no pressure to perfectly juggle all the crap that a single parent traveling with a non-potty trained toddler needs to bring...  I mean seriously, I needed 5 arms, and I tried to condense everything as much as I could.

Little Man was amazing at the airport flying out...it helped that he had his trains.  I got him a little Thomas and Friends rolling backpack (or "bagbag" as he pronounces it) which he LOVES!  He wanted to walk with it most of the time...

Off we go!

 He was amazingly well behaved for a toddler on an airplane. I did buy his own seat even though he's young enough to still be a lap baby...which was great! He would have been much too squirmy in my lap cramped in such a small space...

ooh whats out the window?

i have my trains!

when the trains got boring...onto the ipad...

then back to the trains...choo choo

when that got boring...the leap pad!

I guess it helped that I had plenty to distract him with...ipad, leap pad, trains, food...he was a happy kid which made for a happy mommy.  It surprised me and subsequently made me a ball of mush when he decided on his own he'd like to hold my hand...I love his cuddles!

When we got into SF, I had rented a car - which was great.  I had control of where I would go and when... and the rental company provided the cars with navigation and I was able to get a car seat for him.  One less thing to drag on the airplane woo woo!

Poor kid was so tired considering he didn't nap on the plane, but he was a trooper.  We got to the hotel to check in and I still wasn't done...I wanted to go to my one cousins house to have Thanksgiving dinner.  He was sleepy but he perked right up when he saw all of his cousin's toys!!  Then didn't want to leave when I was tired at 10pm...which was 12a at home...so I knew he was tired too even if he was running around with his cousin.

We came back to the hotel which was a fabulous recommendation by one of my other cousins.  Such great staff and everything.  Got a good nights sleep and Friday morning went out for breakfast at IHOP. MMm...pancakes.

booster baby

leap pad action

he ate almost all of it!

After breakfast we went to my great aunt and uncles to visit. They were fairly amazed when he listened to me after I asked him to clean up the mess he made with the toys. (squeal! thanks little man for being so good)

playing outside in the sunshine

After that we met up with my cousin...and I use the term cousin fairly loosely here... it's like...2nd cousin twice removed... but thats how we roll.  One big happy family!

Enjoying the bubbles 

Last minute we were invited to the rehearsal dinner so we just followed them to the church to watch their rehearsal and then went off to dinner

theres a story behind this....

So, before we left for SF, my parents were semi freaking out about me losing my son.  I scoffed but I suppose it's happened before.  And with such a friendly kid like this one, who knows what could happen.  So my dad lovingly tried to make a 'kid leash', which I was forced to take.  Little Man didn't care for it one bit.  When we tried it at home he cried and cried.  So, it was strange when he took it out at the church and asked me to clip it to him. LOL

cousins holding hands

 The next day was the wedding so again, we met up with my cousin - the other one, whos married and has a daughter.  Cailyn is only 5 days younger than Clay...and both happy crazy charismatic kids so they got along so well!! I was excited that he had a playmate.

snacking at the mall

playing tea party

 After the mall, we went back to her house to get ready for the wedding.  The kids were running around playing and little man refused to let me take a picture of him all handsomely dressed up in his suit.

no i play!

 So I had to settle for blurry images, or passed out ones...

napping in the car...

i mustache you a question but i'll shave it for later

He was pretty good during the ceremony (I had compliments on how well behaved he was...compared to the other kids he was an angel LOL)

After the ceremony though, we realized food was not going to be served for a while so we went and grabbed  pre-dinner dinner.  I'm glad because when we got to the reception he faded quickly...

sleeeepy baby

And before dinner was served, he fell asleep in my lap.  That's how I know he was really tired...because he's rarely comfortable in my lap like this....

passed out. i eventually took off his suspenders and shoes

When the night was over we got back to the hotel, he was awake for a little bit but i found his lovie safely 'tucked' in my bed.  Told you the hotel staff was AWESOME. How cute!

 

 Of course, the next morning he woke up when I wasn't ready to be awake...

 When I finally got up we went to the SF Zoo.

elephant!

hippo

Walking around we found....the train. And we just HAD to go.   

waiting our turn.

polar bear

"mama!! die-sore!!"

playground action

After the zoo we made our way to my sorority sister's place.  She and her family kindly let us stay with them for a couple nights so I didn't have to stretch for a hotel the whole trip.  It was great!  He had another playmate with her son who is 6 months younger, Jensen.

playtime

wanna see my toys?

 The next day was Monday and unfortunately my adult friends had to work and I was left with the choice to either stay at the house with her non-english speaking nanny or adventure on our own...what do you think I chose?

"oh no! bridge!!" except bridge comes out more like...another b word.

 Hahaha...he almost always says "oh no!" to preface anything else he says.

maybe touristing isn't so great for an almost 2 year old.

but ice cream is!!!

 After touristing in the city for awhile we went back to my cousins....to wait for my friend to get off work.  The chinese nanny gave me anxiety.

last time playing with Cailyn

He ran around with Cailyn one last time and they gave the most BRILLIANT of ADORABLE hugs in the world. Too bad I didn't capture that on film.

He and Jensen ran around before bedtime, though he was kind of bullying poor Jensen.  Nothing bad, just not letting him really play with him. Mamas had to step in but after that it was good. They both were having fun anyway.

And the next morning it was time to go.... last time playing with Jensen...

By now, he's just exhausted. He slept well during the trip, but you know how it is...the excitement is pretty draining.  When we got to the airport to go home, he was pretty tired. And then this happened...

Oh yeah...I wasn't the mom embarrassed that her kid was crying...I was the one recording it.  Sorry baby, but at that point there was nothing I could do. Now I just have some cute blackmail. Teehee...

The flight home was a little rough...he couldn't get comfortable to take a nap and wasn't tired enough to just pass out yet.  It wasn't until we got into the car and on the way home that he finally fell asleep.  He didn't get dinner that night but he did get 12 hours of sleep. AMEN!!

GREAT trip.