The ugly.

I don't particularly experience "mom guilt" or "nanny envy", but there are times when I do feel the pangs of guilt and envy when it comes to the little man.  Most are just slight pangs, quickly squashed by reminding myself that a. this is the life that's best for both of us and b. its normal.  However, there are those that are not just slight pangs...these are full blown panic attack inducing mind distortions.  These moments tend to occur when involving the little man's daddy.  Now, technically I'm still married to the man so I guess he's still my husband.  But I've been living apart from him now for several months.  And if you're counting...that's most of little man's little life so far.

The little guy has been amazing adjusting between the two homes, though getting his daddy to stick to an actual schedule made my life a living hell for a while.  I really can't say anything bad about him, he is a great loving father.  But...he and I are VERY different.  It'll be interesting to see who the little one will take after more. If I could guess, I can see a good balance between the 2.  Hopefully the better parts of both of us.

Anyway, slightly off topic. So having the 2 homes, I do often have to relinquish time with him to his father.  Which is fine.  Most of the time.  Lately, I've noticed that when he's with me (he sleeps in a pack and play for now...crib is on its way), he wakes up once or twice a night.  I've asked the 'husband' about it and he claims he sleeps fine and eats well and is happy and everything when he's with him.  It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong.  Not that I'm doing anything wrong...but why? I mean... he spends the majority of his time with me, so he should be more comfortable right?  I'm not sure... it makes me unsure of myself. It makes me insecure.  I hate that.  I'm a mean, ugly person when I'm jealous and insecure...and that comes out with the baby daddy.  It's not a good time right now for me.  I'm happier than I would be if I still lived with the husband but in some ways...it makes me so angry and jealous when the little guy behaves more for daddy than me.

8 months...and 10 days.

Doh! I'm such a bad blogger. I mean how hard is it to come up with something, anything, when it concerns le little man.  These days, it's practically something new every week.  There's no excuse that would adequately pacify the future me reading back on this and wondering, why didn't you post an update?!?!  So, MadMommy of the future, I'm sorry.  Things have been cah-ray-zee. If you remember...

Well, let's recap.  Up until about mid-August, little man has been exclusively breastfed.  It was working, why mess with a good thing.  Not to mention the monetary benefits of being a food factory for the little guy.  But as fate would have it, I contracted an eye infection...in both eyes! So I needed antibiotic eye drops.  I'm not of those that believe it's dangerous for me to breastfeed while on antibiotics but still, if I could avoid it, I would.  Unfortunately this happened the week before I was planning on going on an extended weekend away from the baby, AND he had a growth spurt that week so he was eating more.  All my frozen reserves were used up and I had to supplement with formula until I could feed him again.  I'm still supplementing with formula to try and build up a reserve again, but we'll see how that goes.  Anyway, in true LLM fashion, he was totally fine with the temporary switch between breastmilk and formula.  And we both survived the 4 days apart, though I missed him dearly in the evenings before bed.

Dinner time is fun, and funny...

Somewhere in this past month, he'd learned how to pull himself up...and in the past 2 weeks or so became frighteningly good at it.  

For Labor Day, we took a trip to Lake Geneva and hung out at the beach.  His first beach experience!  I'm not sure why it took this long to get to the beach this summer, but oh well.  It was fun.  Little man didn't know what to do.  I took him into the water, and slowly lowered him in as the water was fairly cool, obviously...its a lake, not the bathtub.  He didn't like it.  Though he was interested in it, wondering about it.  But he preferred the safety of madmommy's arms, clinging like a little monkey.  But other than being anxious about the new surroundings, he enjoyed the day...

And yes, that is a picture of him eating funnel cake.

The other day I saw him stand up on his own, but I didn't have enough time to get the camera out before he plopped down again. I was thinking it wouldn't happen again for a while, until he remembers how to but that same evening he just wouldn't stop standing up... I was able to snatch several photos and a partial video before he 'fell'! Crazy kid...

Officially standing on his own. Oh dear...

Well...that's all the news for now.  Hopefully I update this again in a more timely fashion.  Especially now that in a month or two he may be walking....he's already getting into mischief. Little punk.

no fui yo!

(It wasn't me!)  I've been neglecting my madmommy blog duties. Too much going on!! LLM keeps growing!

he looks so huge laying on grandpas belly

The last couple weeks have been pretty interesting.  The day following the last post LLM got his first cold.  It wasn't a bad one, but you could tell just how congested he was and how hard it was for him to sleep because of it.  Despite that, however, his demeanor wasn't too different from normal.   A bit more grumpy, but I think that's due to the lack of sleep.  I still felt awful though, watching him struggle.

I was concerned about his cold being too much of a bother since I'd made an appointment to get him some pictures from Picture People at the beginning of the month.  He was somewhat irritable but it wasn't too bad.  Who can blame the poor guy having a cold and being thrown in front of a strange lady going "hi clayton! aboooo aboooo"?  Hahahaha.  I've got more images on my computer at home, so whenever I get the chance I'll upload the best ones here.  But, finally after 7 months, er rather 6 months, I finally have a framed picture of him at my desk! WOOO!!

Hut Hut!

Every day LLM gets better at crawling, and now is learning to pull himself up to a standing position.  I've seen him stand on his own for a second or 2 as well.  Dangerous. He's not suppose to be walking so soon right?!  

I've learned that he does NOT like to be contained or restricted, especially by himself, unless its nap/bedtime.  He will only protest a little if he's going into his high chair when he's hungry.  I think he's learning that high chair = food time.  But I don't dare walk away after he's strapped in, even when someone else is next to him.  He gets angry that I'm leaving.  More on this later. But if he knows I'm about to feed him he's pretty happy.

Then, there's meal time... to which he's taken to grabbing everything that comes close. He seems quite content when I let him feed himself.  I still feed him purees to make sure he's getting enough food, but now I've started to give him small bits of mashables - bananas, sweet potato, etc. and have experimented with other foods too.  Like green beans, tortillas, and chicken... yes, chicken (shhh...don't tell my mom).  He loves chicken.  Totally a carnivore. I'm definitely going to try scrambled eggs soon.

meal times are getting messier....

Now, on to his awareness.  I've always known that he recognizes me as his mom, but it still amazes me how he lights up when he sees me.  He also recognizes my voice, and if I'm not visible and he hears me he looks around for a bit.  He doesn't cry out at all if he doesn't see me, even if he hears me.  It's like he knows I'm there even if he can't see me.  Which is a big milestone right? People/object permanence.  He's starting to get it, but there is a bit of separation anxiety.  If I turn my back on him to leave he's somewhat upset.  Admittedly though, it's so hard to leave him sometimes especially when he's smiling at me.  My mom has a harder time leaving him, I think, than I do when he's smiling.  Hahah

No fui yo...I believe little man has started to understand NO.  Either that, or he hears it in my stern voice and knows that I'm not playing.  Last night he was trying to eat a plastic bag.  I grabbed it before he got it to his mouth and said "No, Clayton. Give it to me" and he froze and let go.  I said thank you and kissed him and he resumed playing.  I just put the bag to the side and then he started going for it again.  Before he grabbed it I said "Uh uh, NO" and he stopped and stared between the plastic bag and me.  I thanked and kissed him again and this time just took the bag away completely.  But, being mobile, he ventured off into another part of the room and soon found the cord for the lamp.  I had to scold him again when I saw him playing with it. And he stopped for a while, sitting there looking at me.  As soon as I looked away though he went for it again.  Little punk... I had to take him away from it and place him by his toys again.  Oh boy, things are starting to get interesting. :-P

7 months already?

Ach... it's 7 months already? Its no joke that they grow up quick.  I'm wondering where my itty bitty little boy went.  Now, LLM can sit up on his own, push himself up to a sitting position, trying to stand, crawling...saying 'baba' and 'mama' and any combination of those sounds.  Makes my heart melt when we play "hide and seek" (peek-a-boo) and he's leaning his head looking for me.  Even though I'm just sitting right there covering my eyes behind a chair or under the table he still smiles and laughs when I 'pop' out.  

Prince LLM crowned himself with the box from his cousins toy (7.14)

He's showing a bit of the separation anxiety, but over all is still very tolerant of other people holding him. I'm so grateful that he's as good as he is right now.  Couldn't ask for more.  Even when he's crabby I can get him to smile.  I know his secret tickle spot.  :-P  

playtime in the kitchen

Every week a little more of his personality comes out.  He's so curious and social.  And when it's quiet time, he loves nothing more than sitting in my lap playing with his toys.  

danger! mobile baby ahead!

He's figured out how to crawl.  Hasn't mastered it yet, but I know he will soon.  Then I'll have to be extra vigilant and figure out how to grow eyes on the back of my head because he's already looking for trouble.  Ms Jill found him crawling towards power cords as she turned to set up the pack and play for his naptime.  Grandma found him crawling towards...more power cords.  And I....well, I found him almost under the bed.  He's too curious I tell you.  Oh and those nifty foam play mats? He's figured out how to take it apart.  And I'm pretty sure its just by watching us put it together.  I've got 2 mats, one he didn't watch me put together and he's not tried to take it apart yet...and then this one...

which isn't much unlike the other one I've got which is an alphabet version with smaller parts (if LLM figures out how to get those apart, I'll probably have to forgo leaving him on that mat to play).  But for some reason he enjoys taking this one apart and trying to eat the pieces.

LLM can push himself up from laying down to sitting on his own now.  One minute hes on his back, the next...sitting up staring at you.  Must admit, it's a bit startling at first to turn around and he's in a different position than when you looked away.

I swear, he's grown another 2 inches...even to me, he looks so big.  I was watching him in the PNP and honestly he looked like he took up the entire thing.  When did that happen?! Picture updates to come.

separation anxiety?

My lovable, friendly, uber sweet baby boy has started to become a teeensy bit clingy.  He doesn't want me to put him down at all.  And if he's tired...he'd rather me hold him than anyone else.  Today I'm pretty sure he had a nightmare during his afternoon nap because all of a sudden he just started crying.  When I looked in on him he was almost back asleep, just murmuring to himself.  When he cried out again, it woke him up and I had to pick him up to calm him.  For the rest of the afternoon and until well after dinner, child would throw a fit if I wasn't nearby.  It seems pretty early for him to start having separation anxiety, but I guess with the circumstances that we're in now...having to go between 2 homes since his dad and I are kind of separated now...it's probably bound to happen earlier than it would. At least, that's the only logic I can put to it right now.  We'll see how this week goes, with him bouncing between grandma and Ms Jill.  Hopefully because he's used to them it won't be so bad.  But I know I will have to give him some extra attention for a while so he knows madmommy isn't going anywhere.  Which I kept whispering to him this evening before bed... I like to think he understood me.  It didn't take me nearly as long to put him to bed as it did when I tried to put him down for his nap.  Don't worry little man, I will always be here for you.

happy smiley baby. i love this face.

first pony ride!

On Tuesday, families were invited to our company picnic at the office.  It was really fun. There was a moon jump for the kids and a dunk tank...and ponies.


I couldn't pass up the opportunity to put little man on the ponies....

little man on bullwinkle